Give love and take it away...

So I haven't updated in a long time and I think that's in due part of me not having the patience nor time to.
In Natalie related news she is now almost 13 months old, walking, talking, and so much independence its astounding.

Dear Mom,

After several days of thinking about our argument I have come to the conclusion the best way to get through to you is in email without any interruption.
Let me begin with the fact that I am so very sorry that you are not able to see Natalie as much as you would like to. It is never my intention to 'keep' her away from you or anyone for that matter. But, I also want to say that Natalie is not Tyler, I understand that Ross was going through hard times when Tyler was first born and they depended on you greatly but I do not need that. Furthermore, You are just as able to drive here to see her as I am to drive down there. If anything you are in a better position then I am.

There are several issues that I would like to address in this email. I would also like you to know that after sending this email I will not be answering your calls, because I know things in here will upset you or get you on the defense.All of the statements in this email are of my own mind and have NOTHING to do with George's thoughts on any situation nor anyone else for that matter. Remember, I love you despite any indifference we may have.

First of all in the issue of myself. You must remember that although I am and will always be your child I am also an adult. Just like every adult in the history of man, I will stumble and make mistakes. I know as a mother you wish to fix all of these errors but they are just that, MY errors. If I make a mistake please do not voice your opinion about it. I'm pretty sure if i do something wrong I already know that I had done something of ill judgement and do not need you nor anyone else's input on the matter. When I was a child we had a completely different relationship and now that I am an adult we need to grow into a new relationship between you as my mother and me as an adult. I do not need codling or to be scolded, I need you to respect me as an ADULT and even if you do not agree with a decision I make do not voice your opinion because I am an ADULT.

Second, in the matter of George. I know in the past I have only voiced how unhappy I had been with actions or situations in reference to george. But after having Natalie I've come to realization that George is my chosen mate. I do not feel forced into this relationship, although I may say that at times. George is the person I now have to look to for guidance or reassurance, he has taken the place as the head of the household in my family. Therefore, when you say something disrespectful about George or his decisions I have come to the conclusion that you in turn are disrespecting not only George, but myself, and my family. George, Natalie, and I are now a family of our own and like I said before I am an adult and I must always do what is best for my family.

Third, in the matter of living in Ann Arbor. George did not pick this location because of how close it was to his mother. While living with both you and George's dad we came to the realization that we liked Ann Arbor. We just so happen to find the best deal of a lifetime in a trailer park that is in close proximity to Martha. I enjoy living in Ann Arbor, it is a safe neighborhood, the schools are good, and it is very close to George and my schools of choice. The fact of the matter is that even if I decided to move to California, Florida, Austria...wherever you must respect that decision. I do no see you flipping out because Ross moved out of Southgate, to the contrary you bragged to me about the house and the new area. George and I mutually decided to move to Ann Arbor, it was OUR decision. I also find it a little disheartening that you keep throwing the fact that George and I lived with you for seven months rent free. When we first moved in if recall you told us that we didn't have to pay rent so that we could save for a new place to stay. I don't appreciate the fact that you purposely make me feel bad for the fact we lived with you while trying to get back on our feet.

Fourth, the way you talk to me is completely unacceptable. I am not a child any longer. You can not berate me or make me feel as though my every decision needs to be passed through you. I understand that I can be a pushover, I even know when people are taking advantage of my kindness, but its just that I am too nice. I will no longer stand for you nor anyone to treat me less then I should be treated. When you stood in front of Martha's house and told me you were going to sue me for Grandparents rights, I could hardly believe that you would stoop so low to hurt me in such a matter. I understand that you were upset and I also understand that you wish to see Natalie more but there are better ways to ask for it then using her against me. Natalie is my child and no one will take that right from me, I will always say who she sees, what she does and where she does it until she is old enough to make those decisions herself. I will not allow you to belittle me any longer.

Finally, I was truly taken aback when you claimed that I had stolen a check from you. I honestly had no reason to lie to you and when you said, 'well I know you have been fibbing a lot to me lately' I just wanted to hang up right there. I felt not only disrespected but embarrassed because you asked me to call you while I was at work and almost everyone could hear my conversation with you. When you text me I assumed something was wrong with Grandpa or someone else, not that you were trying to get me to confess about stealing something. I'll tell you again, I have never receive a check from the insurance company, so clearly it was lost in the mail or they did not send it out.

I understand that you are under a lot of stress with in your life, but who isn't. I would really like us to have a better relationship then the battling one we currently have. I would really like for Natalie have a relationship with not only you but with her Papa and uncles. However if things are not going to change then I will not stand and have my family disrespected. I hope that I have shed some light on why I was so upset on the phone last week and I will call you in a few more days.

I love you.

Your Daughter,
Haley

I love this..

25 Rules for Mothers of Daughters.


Source: Pinterest- meggielynne.tumblr.com


1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.



Source: Pinterest: art-e-zine.co.uk

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.


Source: Pinterest: sp2.fotolog.com
3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.
4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.


Source: Pinterest: crazycraftycousins.blogspot.com

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.


6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.



Source: Pinterest: flickr.com

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.




Source: Pinterest- 500px.com

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.


Source: Pinterest- google.com

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.



Source: Pinterest- weheartit.com
12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.



Source: Pinterest- weddings.halbergphotographers.com
13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.
14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.


Source: Pinterest- blog.hgtv.com

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.


Source: Pinterest- instagr.am

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.



Source: Pinterest- thehollywoodgossip.com

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat- let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect- she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the bigger -the better- person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words: she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.


Source: Pinterest- justquotes.org

23. Mother her. Being a mother—to her—is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother’s love for their children.



Source: Pinterest- marrabelle.deviantart.com

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets- no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."



25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you: welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news: embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you: find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit: tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor- where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile.


I love you forever and a day, Natalie Roxanne!

The waters rough, but this love is ours

Gosh, I could just talk about Natalie to anyone who will listen for hours on end. She is my world, the reason for everything that I do in my life. She is so smart, I can already tell that she will have so much success in her life.

Having a child is one of the most beautiful and scary things in the world. They keep you on your toes all while you're jumping up and down cheering them on. I never new absolute bliss until I had Natalie.

I never knew true love until she leaned in to kiss me or hug me, it means everything to me when she gives me that cute little smile of pats my cheek. I can not wait until the day that she can say 'i love you too'.

Go ahead and sell me out and I'll leave your shit bare

Change is never easy.
Change causes arguments, uncertainty, and even war.

I am at war with myself. I am uncertain with myself. Things could be so different if I could take control of every situation I'm in. But instead I stay silent and then get told I'm playing 'the victim'.

I'm tired. No, I'm sick and tired of hurting, of the unknown, of being told I'm something I'm not or vice versa.
Twenty-one and I feel trapped in a forty year old mindset.

I love the people in my life but I've never been unsure of happiness before..

Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello

I'm so tired of always being pushed around. Double standards are literally what is killing all of my relationships. Its perfectly fine for so and so to do this but GOD FORBID if Haley does that. I seriously have to walk on eggshells in almost every aspect of my life.

Once someone learns how easy it is to break me down they use it in every way to their advantage. I can't count the times I put my everything into something, into someone, just to be pushed aside or to be taken advantage of. The crazy thing is, I continue to let people treat me like this repeatedly even after they have hurt me so many times.

I do nothing but love all of the people in my life. I give them absolutely every part of my heart, my soul, my everything and yet I still get repeatedly stomped on. As much as I want them to be happy don't I deserve happiness as well?

It hurts when someone asks something of me and I ask something in return and get pushed aside. I'm tired of crying and groveling when someone isn't happy with something I do.

When is it my turn to not really care what people think? When is it my turn to stomp all over someone's feelings without any remorse? When is it my time to stand up for myself?

Never. And would you like to know why? Because I will always be that person standing in the corner watching other people have fun while i'm doing all of the work. I will always be that person subjected to staying in the bedroom doing some boring task for someone while the rest of the party goes on.

I live to help people and in return I ask for nothing.. maybe I should start.

Lights, Camera, Action!

LIGHTS!


Getting pregnant at nineteen wasn't exactly my ideal plan in life. I'm a very traditional person and I wanted to traditional life scenario. You know, meet the ideal man -> have a world wind relationship -> get engaged -> get married -> have babies, and so on and so forth. Unfortunately that was not exactly how my plan had happened but I wouldn't change anything for the world. 


The moment I told anyone I was pregnant it felt like I was thrust into the spotlight. Everyone wanted to know as much about me as possible and I was the complete center of attention. I mean what woman wouldn't want to be, but still I understood the whole thing was because both families were excited about the impending bundle of joy. 


Being pregnant was absolutely wonderful. I enjoyed feeling my baby move within me and of course being waited on hand and foot. People were always asking me questions about what we were going to name her, what her last name would be, almost everything under the sun! 


I believe the strangest thing was how I was put on a pedestal by almost complete strangers as I was pregnant. I was expected to act a certain way, talk in a certain way, and even dress a certain way. It was a lot of pressure bringing another human being into this world.

CAMERA!

Having my daughter was possibly the most wonderful and nerve wracking thing I have ever done in my life. When people tell you about having children they only tell you all the bad things; how much it will hurt, how tired you will be, and how your life will never be the same. They never tell you that the second you see this tiny, crying, helpless person for the first time that you will fall in love with a complete stranger forever.


After twenty-four hours of laboring and ten minutes of pushing I was holding the most beautiful human being I've ever seen in my life. Even as I held her in my arms with everyone around me crying and emotional, I couldn't believe this tiny person was mine. I would love her until my dying breath.


After coming home for the first few days, I felt like everyone was watching me on the television. You know, people are watching you and wanting to say something but the characters on the television won't hear you so you keep your mouth shut. I was a new mom, terrified, and it seemed like every time I did something that anyone wouldn't actually do I could feel them tense.


I was being watched and I felt an immense pressure because any wrong move could ruin this baby's life and it scared me more then anything in the world.


When you become a mother you start to live for another person instead of yourself.

ACTION!

With my daughter now edging closer and closer to be a year old I feel like I can finally breath. I have grown into a mother that I want to be. I have found things that work for both of us and I can tell she truly loves me. She is the light of my life and I can't even remember a time without her, even now just writing that makes me feel so emotional.

Growing as a mother and spouse has become one of the biggest challenges I have come to face. It is hard to find a balance between my daughter, my boyfriend, and myself. I've always been a people pleaser and now that I am on my own it has become increasing difficult to find a balance in my life.

I know that since having my daughter I have found myself neglecting me. I forget to shower, I always have my hair up, I have gained weight, have no sex drive, and have become an introvert. I now know that it is time for action. My goal is to become more active not only for myself but for both my daughter and my husband.

They both need me, if something were to happen to me I would fear for the both of them. I'm not necessarily saying that my husband is a bad father, quite the contrary I have seen him grow into such a loving an wonderful dad, it makes me love him all the more. But I would never want anyone else to take over my job and wife and mother.

My family, 

George, Natalie, & Haley are the most important people in my life...and always will be.